Saturday, July 09, 2005

The 'I' dented identity

People forget how to live; what life is. I don’t know if its sometimes with some people or all the time with all people; a once in a life time thing, or a recurring phenomenon. But I know it happens. And it happened to me.
And the worst thing is that you are not aware of it until probably you have stumbled upon something that throws you back into that vigorous poignant feeling called ‘living’- and it is after that moment has passed that you realize that you had lost it, and were living without it all this time: like a corpse.
As I reel back in contemplation and reckon- trying hard to remember and capture that feeling so that I can henceforth baste it into everyday life- I can say for sure that I knew how to live as a content boy in my mothers cuddle(and there are many other sporadic instances). And all these years of growth, maturity and learning have only undone the wisdom I possessed as a kid.
Life is ultimately about infinitesimal passing moments, about living every moment with the whole of you. And all achievements and all those marks you make -which are descriptive of the person called you, which remain as a representation of you in this world- only follow(a consequence of) this ‘living’. What Im trying to say is that when you crave for something , something of apparent magnitude and substance, you are actually craving to be you. They are not the end you are trying to reach but the means to the ultimate end: realize yourself.
The only thing that matters and that exists is this feeling divided in time in moments. Either you have it this moment and are alive or don’t and are dead. This poignant feeling, which can only be defined as ‘life’ in the gravest sense of the term, is all you want – All this might sound senselessly romantic and pretty cliché, but its different, its fresh, its lovely.
I now have to retain the yearning and think hard and remember all those moments, the essence of which I want to re-create and preserve for eternity.
May be this is all about identity, about finding yourself, that people talk about; about what the heroine yells at the hero in the movie ‘Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’: “Im just a fucked up piece of shit trying to find my peace of mind”.
All this was actually triggered by my short tryst with ‘google’(one of those stumbling blocks). And this song from ‘Anand’ that I just heard riveted my certainity:

Jeena bhoole the kahan yaad nahi
Tujh ko paya hai jahan ,,,saans phir ayi wahi
Zindgi, zindgi tere bina ,hai, bhayena.

May be one of the strongest things that you can stumble upon and find yourself , is love.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

love u dude;do u mind putting more on your profile??
p.s.this is a female

Anonymous said...

I am proud of u brother
Good keep it up.
But implement each of your thoughts in your true life and be more pragmatic
Instigate your life with realism
This will help u mold yourself to a eminent identity in your society
God bless

praneeth said...

sister,,,,,,,,,,,,, who are you?

Anonymous said...

i am your sister!!
how many sisters do u've Praneet?
Start guessing from 2day
let me see how Intelligent is my brother :)

Anonymous said...

I myself am fostering uncertainities about my 'intelligence' at the moment.Iv got abundantly enuf sisters to make this hard. Going by the condescence,i can think of 2; the language,1;language again,1;the god thing 1; society(and god) thing, 1; the question "howmany..." probly hints ur the only girl child to ur parents; using the internet,maybe5; All told,and ruling out prathima,my instincts point somebody who cant literally fit into the term "sister".

Anonymous said...

and anonymous, iv added to my profile!
ps: luv ur punctuation

Anonymous said...

Hmmm......i am hurt

I shall refer myself anonymous here by............

I know that you have a pretty sis by name Prathima. I can never take her place , she must be your blood sis but then it doesnt mean that i cant call u BROTHER. I've have a brother too..
Infact you must be happy to have another sis
I know your thoughts will not go beyond this because you are a kid.....GROW UP BOY!!
I liked ur ostentation, ur modesty and humbleness.
Awaiting for few more good write ups
Good luck

Anonymous said...

hey i am waiting for your write ups brother

Anonymous said...

so nice ur waiting,,,but i dont hav anything to write now........amunakka!

Anonymous said...

Hi Brother
Iam not ur amunakka. I think ur puzzled and curious to know who is this unknown person
I know you and you know me as well
keep guessing
good luck